I finally finished writing Samuel's birth story. It took me forever! One, it's hard to type one handed when you're holding a baby :). Two, I really didn't remember a lot of what happened after being taken into the operating room so Vince had to help me piece it together. It's really, really long, but I needed to get it all out. The first week after he was born I really struggled with the fact that I had to have a c-section. I felt like a total failure. I remember telling Vince that I felt like I didn't give birth to Samuel, I felt like he had been "taken" from me and because of that, I didn't feel like I was bonding with him at all. The first week after he was born was so dark and depressing now I look back at it :(. Luckily I have an awesome husband and family who have helped me get through it. I realize now that I had to have a c-section to keep Samuel and I healthy. That was our number one goal during pregnancy and labor: Healthy mom, Healthy baby, no matter how we had to get there :)
So here it is! Enjoy the random pictures at the end!! :)
Vince and I were so giddy the short elevator ride up to Labor and Delivery. This was it! The moment we had been waiting for since seeing that positive test early one morning during the summer. The next time we left the hospital, we would be a family of three!
We walked into L&D where I was checked in while Vince had to wait outside. While I was led back to my room, he ran down to the car to grab our hospital bag.
I was instructed to change into my lovely hospital gown and wait for my nurse (who was helping another mom at the time) to come in to let me know how things were going to happen. I had no clue what to expect. We talked about being induced, preeclampsia, Pitocin, and other stuff in Bradley class, but I didn't really pay too much attention because I was going to have a natural birth! I didn't need to know about any of that! Sigh. If only I would have known.
Since we didn't have a copy of our birth plan (oops.), Vince and I quickly talked about what things were most important to us:
*please don't offer pain medication unless I ask for it
*no episiotomy unless absolutely necessary
*as long as baby and I are healthy, place baby on my bare chest immediately after birth for skin-to-skin contact
* I wanted to nurse the baby as soon as possible
My nurse came in and introduced herself (Cindy, she was super nice!) and told me that Dr. Tom had ordered an IV of magnesium sulfate (to try and keep my blood pressure down) to be administered and then they would give me the Pitocin to start my labor. It took two nurses to try and find a vein for my hep lock. After a million pokes and one blown vein later, the hep lock was in and they started the magnesium around four o'clock.
Cindy told us that the magnesium would make me feel warm and sleepy and she advised that we both try and get some rest, it would be at least two hours before they gave me the Pitocin. So we just hung out and talked and I tried to hold back tears because after everything that had happened so far that day, it finally hit me. We were having our baby. That night. Two weeks early. The excitement had worn off and I was freaking terrified.
Dr. Indovina came in during that time and introduced himself. He was really friendly and had nice hair, haha! He gave me an internal and told me I was 4 cm dilated and about 50% effaced. I was excited because earlier that day I was 3 cm dilated so I was making progress on my own. Maybe this birth could happen naturally!
About six o'clock Cindy came back in and asked me if I was planning to have an epidural so she could give the anesthesiologist a heads up. I told her no thank you, I would be fine. She administered the Pitocin and told me they would start it slowly and turn it up if they needed too. Dr Indovina came in to check on me again. 5 cm dilated and about 60% effaced. He also informed me that I had had my bloody show! This was good news! He asked if he could break my water to see if it would speed along the process. I consented and let me tell you, that was the most uncomfortable thing ever. Seriously, I thought he was going to tear me in half. My water finally broke and it was so strange. I felt like I had entered a jacuzzi!
Dr. Indovina told us that he wanted to monitor the baby's heart rate more closely, so they needed to put a monitor inside me to do this. Because I had the monitor in me, I wasn't allowed to get out of bed. I needed to have a catheter put in. Cindy politely asked again if I wanted an epidural. "It's really uncomfortable to put the catheter in. Most women want the epidural first". No thanks, I said. I would be okay. Holy moly!!! Getting the catheter inserted was not very pleasant. Ugh, I'm hoping I don't have to experience that again!
Right after that my mom and dad came into see us. While I was pregnant I mad it clear that I didn't want ANYONE in the room besides Vince. Maybe my mom, but no one else. We didn't even want to let anyone know when we went to the hospital. However, having my parents in the room made me feel a lot better. I'm glad they didn't listen to me :).
A little before seven o'clock Cindy came in the room to say good-bye and introduced us to our new nurse, Brooke. They were both so awesome, we were so lucky to have two great nurses. We talked to Brooke about what we wanted during labor so we were all on the same page. She was totally cool about everything and said if I wanted an epidural, to just page her and let her know.
My dad asked if I could change the channel on the TV to NCIS because he didn't want to miss the newest episode. Why do I remember this? Because it was at this moment that I started having contractions. It was so surreal to actually feel "real" contractions. They were nothing like what I had felt a few times at home previously. At this time I also started to have an incredibly runny nose and my eyes started watering. Since I had pink eye, I had to be really careful about wiping my eyes so I didn't transfer the infection to my other eye. My parents sent my brother to the store to pick up some hand sanitizer for me so Vince didn't have to keep getting up and getting some from the dispenser to give to me. Thanks for being on top of things Mom!
The contractions kept getting stronger and stronger at this point. I had no idea that they would feel so strong, it was so hard to breath through them. Vince was so awesome through all of it, he kept talking to me, rubbing my back, and reminding me to continue my abdominal breathing. His encouragement helped, but they were getting stronger and stronger. At that point, I was crying through the contractions, they were that intense. My dad asked me if I wanted them to leave. "Yes, please", I choked out. They said good-bye and wished us luck.
The next couple of hours were excruciating. The contractions were so incredibly painful. I could not breathe through most of them. I was crying and moaning. I didn't care who heard me at that point. The doctor came in to see if I had progressed any. I was about 5.5 cm. Ugh! He also told us that my blood pressure was still really high, even with the magnesium sulfate, and the babies heart rate was a little low, but it was nothing to be too concerned about right now. He did say that if it continued, he would recommend that I have a c-section before anything serious happened. He also told me that he knew I didn't want to have an epidural, but if I had to have an emergency c-section and I didn't have an epidural, I would immediately have to be put under and Vince wouldn't be allowed in the OR.
Vince and I talked about it and decided to wait it out to see if I would progress anymore. For the next 30 minutes, I tried to ride out the contractions. They were so intense at this point. I thought I was going to crush Vince's had with how hard I was squeezing. I remember telling him a few times that I wanted the epidural. "After the next contraction", he kept telling me. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.
"You said that the last few contractions! It's the next one! I want. The epidural. NOW!" So much for being calm and collected! So he paged Brooke and Dr. Earle, the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the epidural. As soon as I got it I felt so much better. She gave me just enough so I could still feel my contractions; I just didn't feel any pain.
When I got the epidural I had been sitting with my legs crisscross on the bed. Brooke and Vince helped me move my legs so I could lie down again. As soon as they did that I felt the urge to push. I told Brooke who called the doctor to come in and check me. I was 8 cm. dilated and almost 100% effaced, and he could feel baby in the birth canal! We also had some not so good news: my blood pressure was STILL high and the babies heart rate was dipping and staying low with each contraction. The probability of me having a c-section was pretty high at this point. Luckily Dr. Indovina said he would continue to monitor us and hopefully things would progress on their own before anything serious happened. Brooke brought in the consent forms for the surgery which I signed. Have you ever had a feeling in your gut that something was going to happen? That's exactly how I felt about the c-section :/.
For the next 45 minutes we waited to see if things would improve. Brooke had me lay on my right side to see if things would improve. They didn't. She moved me on my back. Nothing. Then we tried my left side. Still nothing. All of a sudden Brooke came back into the room with a new nurse I had never seen before. They both had on those hair nets that medical staff wears during surgery on. I knew instantly that things weren't good. The other nurse gave Vince a set of scrubs to put on. She told him he needed to get my mom to get our stuff out of the room because I was going into surgery. He quickly left to run out to the waiting room to grab her. As soon as he left, about ten people came into the room. That moment was so terrifying. I knew from watching any kind of medical program that when a ton of staff rushes into a patient’s room, it’s because something serious is happening. Dr. Indovina came in and told me that my blood pressure was climbing higher and higher and the baby’s heart rate was getting lower and lower, they needed to get him out as quickly as possible. Dr. Earle started injecting me with the anesthesia to make me numb from my chest down. I will never forget how that felt. It was like she was injecting ice water into my veins.
Vince and my mom came into the room so he could change and so she could gather our stuff. As soon as I saw my mom I wanted to burst into tears, but because of the anesthesia everything was really hazy and I didn't feel like I was quite "there". She told me that she loved me and everything would be fine. They wheeled me out of the delivery room and into the operating room.
The OR was so bright and white. At first I could barely keep my eyes open because it hurt to look around. They moved me up onto the operating table and started to prep me for surgery. I immediately asked where Vince was. They wouldn't let him into the room until everything was ready for surgery. As soon as I heard that it took every ounce of strength I had not to burst into tears. I was terrified and all wanted was my husband with me. Luckily Dr. Earle could sense how freaked out I was and she reassured me that everything would be fine and that they wouldn't start until he was in the room with me.
The next few minutes were a total blur. Vince was suddenly right beside me whispering in my ear that he loved me and that everything would be okay. Dr. Indovina asked if I could feel anything as he started. I told him no. He let me know that I would be feeling lots of pressure and if I felt any pain at all to let them know right away.
Right away I felt lots of pressure on my lower half. I remember Dr. Earle and Vince telling me I was doing great and that they were almost done. Suddenly, at 10:53 p.m., Dr. Indovina said, “Here he is!” and I heard Samuel crying for the first time. I will never forget that sound for the rest of my life. It was all I needed to reassure me that everything was going to be okay. Vince kissed me and told me that he was beautiful. The nurses asked Vince if he wanted to cut the cord and surprisingly he did! The entire pregnancy he refused to say yes, but I’m so glad he did. I could hear the nurse’s talk about how tiny he was. Brooke said that he was totally healthy, he must have just wanted to come out sooner to meet us, and there was nothing wrong with him that they could see.
They brought Samuel over to see me and all I could do was stare at him. He was so tiny! I remember saying that he looked exactly like Vince. I thought to myself how hairy he was, haha! I wish I could have said or done more, but I was so out of it from the anesthesia. I felt like I was moving through molasses, everything I tried to do took me so much effort. They let me know that they would be taking him down to the nursery while they closed me up. I kissed my baby and said good bye to Vince, who was going to follow them down to the nursery.
They stapled me up, which didn’t take long at all. It was so strange to go from having at least ten people in there to only having three or so. It was so much quieter and much calmer. I remember that I couldn’t stop shivering from the anesthesia. Dr. Earle even wrapped me up in heated blankets and I couldn’t stop shaking. It was just how my body reacted to the medication.
They wheeled me over to recovery where I had to wait a couple of hours before I could see Samuel. I had to wait until I stopped shivering which took me forever :/. I hate that instead of spending the first few hours of my son’s life bonding as a family, I was stuck in a room waiting for the medicine to wear off. If I regret anything about the whole process, this was it. I know I couldn’t help how I reacted to the anesthesia, but it still sucks. Even though I couldn’t see him, Vince came down to visit me where he showed me pictures that he took. He was such a proud Daddy, he sent a mass text out letting everyone know that Samuel had arrived :). He told me that Samuel was 5 lbs., 3 oz., and 19 inches long. He was healthy and strong and the most handsome baby ever. He left to send my family down to see me, they had been watching over Samuel in the nursery.
Finally, Brooke wheeled me down to the nursery to see him. Vince brought him out to me and I got to hold him for the very first time. I couldn’t believe how little he was! I thought for sure I was going to have a bigger baby because I was all belly. It was amazing how perfectly he felt in my arms. After I held him for a little bit, I had to give him back so I could be taken to my room. A little after I got settled in and met my nurse Mary, he and Vince came into the room.
We went through all the required procedures (I had to sign some papers and we got our matching ID bracelets) before we were finally left alone. I remember asking Vince to bring the baby over to me so I could hold him for a little bit. I nursed him, and he latched on right away (eventually I would learn that he didn’t latch on properly and that nursing would be a difficult road, but that’s a whole different post!). I nursed Samuel for a little longer and he fell asleep. I unsnapped the top of my gown and placed him on my chest so we could have some skin-to-skin contact. It was all I thought about while I was stuck in recovery, how he would feel against my chest.
I wish I could put into words how amazing it felt. As soon as I put him on my chest, he woke up and squirmed a little. He snuggled right in between my breasts, curled up in a little ball and fell asleep again. I looked at Vince and smiled. He kissed me and told me he loved us. At that moment I knew, everything we had gone through over the last few hours had been worth it. Being induced, the epidural, the stupid pink eye, the c-section, it was all worth it. I honestly would do it all over again because I finally had what I had wanted for so long: a little family of my own. Having my sweet baby boy was all worth it :)
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| My favorite picture :) |
