The Doubt Starts to Creep In...

Today was Samuel's 4 month visit. It went really well besides the shots (ew!), Vince didn't laugh when he cried this time. He weighed in at 14 lbs., 6 oz. and is 24.5 inches long! I can't believe how much he's grown.

I'm a little worried because he has only gained one ounce since my visit with the lactation consultant last week. I have been nursing him exclusively since Friday, except for Saturday when he stayed overnight with my parents, and I thought every thing was going well.

Our pediatrician said not to worry about the slow gain because Samuel seemed happy and healthy. He also mentioned that the difference in scales and the time of day he was weighed would have an impact on what we're seeing. He told me to watch for the same thing the LC said: diaper output and temperment. He's going to the bathroom just fine and isn't any more fussy than usual.

I'm just so worried. I know my body can make enough milk, when I was exclusively pumping I was producing an average of 35 ounces a day. He only ate 25 ounces a day and I had a huge freezer stash, over 350 ounces!

What if nursing doesn't work out? What if my milk supply tanks and I'm forced to supplement with formula? This is my worst fear :(.

I know I need to trust myself and my body. I need to trust my baby. I know he can do it! It's so amazing to see that even though he hadn't nursed in over 16 weeks, he knew exactly what he needed to do. Babies are so cool =].

The doctor also mentioned starting solids. Samuel isn't ready yet, he can't sit up unassisted, but I've already started researching. There is so much to it! So many different philosophies and opinions. I think we're leaning towards baby-led weaning. From what I've read, rice cereal has no nutritional value and I think that's what the pedi wants us to start with. Even if we don't go with BLW, we're skipping cereal.

We finally got our family pictures back that we took in February when Samuel was about three weeks old. They came out so good!

Four Months Later...

I am so bad at this blogging thing. Honestly, I don't know how people have the time to do this full time AND raise a baby.

The past four months have been so crazy, fun, unbelievable, and exciting. I love being a mom. This is what I was meant to do, there is no doubt in my mind. I love going into Samuel's nursery in the morning and being greeted by his smiles and giggles. I love his fuzzy little head of hair. I love the way he smells (this is why I hate giving him baths, haha!). I love how he can be soooo fussy and as soon as I pick him up, he calms down. I love how he turns towards my voice when I talk and how when I enter a room he only has eyes for me.

I love how a tiny little human has entirely changed the dynamics of my marriage and my love for my husband.

I love how my little man taught me to be resilient and how to fight for what I want. When he was first born and we nursed, I thought everything was great and we had breastfeeding down...

Things weren't great. Long story short, due to Samuel losing too much weight and my milk not coming in (which it didn't need to, all I had to give my baby was colostrum, his tummy was so tiny at the time), and high bilirubin levels, we had to supplement with formula in the hospital. Our pedi told us to continue to supplement until his follow up appointment and we would reassess. I had been pumping in the hospital and continued this for the next FOUR MONTHS.

Samuel had a posterior tongue tie (more info here) and he wasn't able to latch properly. Add this to his teeny mouth and my huge boobs, and well... we had problems. So I pumped and gave him my breast milk in a bottle. After my labor had gone the complete opposite of what I had imagined and out of my control, I was determined to give him breast milk. He might not have been able to drink from the tap, but I could control this.

Another long story short, Four lactation consultants  and a frenotomy later, my little man is FINALLY nursing. Today is actually our first day with no bottles, just breast. So far, so good :). We had a consult yesterday where we did a weighed feed and he weighed in at 14 lbs, 05 oz. (!!!) and drank three ounces in five minutes (!!!). He has his four month check-up next week, so we'll see if he's gaining weight.

Here are his monthly pictures, I can't believe how big he's getting!!!!

One Day Old :

One Month:

Two Months:

Three Months:

 Four Months: